This post has been difficult to post. As a coach, I often feel as though I’m not supposed to show my vulnerabilities but I also know that my vulnerabilities are what make me most relatable, human. And boy, am I that.
Every now and again, I feel incredibly lonely.
It’s not a new feeling.
I also know it’s not an uncommon experience.
There’s some comfort in that. Ironically, on some level, I know I’m not alone in my loneliness.
But I still hate that feeling when loneliness hits.
My emotional needs feel incredibly pronounced but also insatiable.
In reaching out for support, I fear pushing people away.
In reaching out for support, I fear the pain of how unmet my emotional needs will continue to feel.
The Little Girl inside me wants some attention but doesn’t know how to ask for it.
Parts of me are ashamed of that. Other parts of me know that we all need to take care of ourselves and these younger aspects of myself haven't been or known how to.
After leaving behind the emotional battlefield that was ‘home’ and a family that had long been at war, I went to University where I quickly became depressed.
I began to drink vodka throughout the day in efforts to rid myself of the pain I was feeling.
Luckily, it was at this time that I first discovered personal development, and with help, began to pull myself out of this emotional hole.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt quite as low since.
But I do still feel lonely at times.
It still feels like there’s a hole in my heart that’s been left unfilled.
Don't worry, my feeling lonely no longer means I'll be downing the vodka but it does mean that I'll be experiencing the pain.
I'm coming to accept it as part of being human.
Imperfectly and complexly human.
It feels like there's some solace in that.
Like I said before, no matter who you are, we're all in pain at times. Come to think of it, that is pretty humbling and then all I begin to feel is love.
They do say that the cure for a lot of pain is in connecting with others, sharing our stories and in our similarities.
This is my effort to share a portion of my story and connect you with mine.