I’m so tired.
The work is so unpredictable and uncertain. I just don’t know if I can handle it anymore.
Maybe I’m just unwilling to give up?
Quitting my work as a coach has been featuring as a conversation I’ve been having with myself recently.
(If you’re one of my clients reading this, don’t worry I’m not quitting! These feelings are just a normal thing we all go through and I want to illustrate how I handle it. Also, I'm human. We all have our bad days :)
Do you ever want to quit? Every time, I encourage going back to why we started in the first place.
I started this career back in 2013 when I got my first client and signed up to do a Life and Leadership coach training program in New York. For just over a year, I travelled back and forth to New York from the UK every month to complete my training. It took a lot for me to do that. I wasn't earning much at the time and my family were totally opposed to the fact that I was doing it. Just like now, there was also a lot of uncertainty and unpredictability back then. And boy, was I tired from all that flying.
Yet, I was so resolute about doing it.
Part of the reason I felt called to being a coach was that I saw it as an opportunity to break out of a pre-made mould I felt was beginning to envelop me. I wanted to do something different from what people expected. I wasn’t just rebelling against my parents, there was more to it than that. I felt drawn to this work because it is designed to have us break out of the normal patterns and habits we engage in, so we can be more authentically ourselves.
That was the thing I was hungry for. To be authentically me.
The whole career decision as well as the crazy idea I had to travel back and forth every month, eventually circumnavigating the earth the equivalent of 3 whole times in one year, occurred as a big statement to myself that I was no longer willing to fit or conform to what it felt like everyone else or society thought I should be.
I was on a quest to be more myself than I, at the time, felt able. And to support a world where more people can do that for themselves also.
Because when we do, it doesn’t only feel good but our relationships, work, health and everything else in life gets better.
Looking back on this now, I realize I’ve been caught up in a storm of self-comparison recently.
To some extent, I broke up with my old world back home, only to find myself wanting to conform to my new one. Today, there are thousands of coaches on the planet and that number is increasing every day as the industry became the second fastest growing in the world.
I have “experts” messaging me almost every day telling me how I should be doing this whole coaching thing.
And if I don't watch myself closely, I can get too easily caught up in a need to mould myself into another version of someone else whilst losing sight of who I authentically am.
And who wants to commit themselves to a life where they’re constantly missing out on the mark of trying to be someone other than they are?
It's not that I wanted to quit being a coach. It's that I want to quit trying to be someone that I'm not.
Who I am is extremely powerful.
It can also at times feel like an act of rebellion.
The difficulty I've had with the unpredictability and uncertainty of being an entrepreneur has always been here, it's just that it became intolerable due to the fact that I temporarily lost sight of why I chose to do this in the first place:
To stand for us all to be unique by by breaking from the boxes of who we think we should be.
Because from that place, anything is possible.