A closet case on love

never so vulnerable as when we love .jpg

I'm a closet case. 

And I don't necessarily mean I'm coming out as gay. Though, I am generally attracted to both genders. 

I mean I'm a closet case with my feelings in general. 

And I'm about to come clean. 

I love the people in my life. Literally, love them. Most in a platonic sense of course. 

Yet, I don't always show it. 

Sometimes I'll even act in denial of it. 

I often live in fear of being "found out". 

What if my friend, family member, colleague, coach, clients even, find out how much I really like them? What if they find out how grateful for them I am? 

Judgement says: 'I would look so uncool'.

If I let my guard down, I imagine I'd be much like a puppy: 'I love you. Please love me. Ok, let's play. Love. Play. Let's play.'

That's how puppy speak goes in my head. And well judgment, judgement says that's just totally not...human?!

Anyway, I'm starting to get off topic. 

The reason I'm sharing this with you is because apart from the fact it's Valentines, I notice I withhold my heart from the people I most love. 

In truth, it sounds quite devastating to state it like that. And I know there's a ton I miss out on through doing so. 

Love is vulnerable. 

There's potential for non-acceptance and rejection. 

There are, of course, times when I do share my feelings but usually only when it feels safe to do so. 

You know what I mean right? 

When it's pre-approved or you know they do too. 

But what if we were able to just start sharing anyway? 

Without the need for approval. Unattached. Unfiltered. Unleashed. 

What if we were the first to step out in vulnerability today and say or act in definition of the phrase: "Hey, I love you." ?